Monday, February 15, 2016

Before Cheating On Your Husband Read This!

"You can look but you can't touch." How many times have we heard that phrase before, yet how many times have you wondered what it would be like to be with someone else other than your husband?



I saw the text on my ex-husband's work phone from her, the mistress. She texted him, "Seems like everything I do I find myself thinking about how it would be better with you." Did she truly think about that before she made the choice to sleep with a married man?

All the while, she knew she was married with a son under the age of five. I have been on both sides of the fence. I did have an affair in 2003 after I found out my husband cheated on me the first time. Two wrongs don't make a right, and I agree...It didn't just happen either.

We both made conscious decisions to be with each other while we both knew we had spouses at home. Cheating is not an accident; it is a choice. I regret the choices I made in 2003 and now realize I should have been honest with not only myself but the man I married. We got past that hurdle. But his last affair happened in 2013. This time, he chose to end our marriage, our family, our future - and for what?

Here are three big reasons you shouldn't cheat on your husband:


1. If you are unhappy in the marriage, and you have told this to your spouse, then get out of the marriage.

My ex never sat down and had a conversation with me regarding how he felt being married to me. He put me on a plane to visit my daughter, and 10 days later, when I returned, he told me in the car our marriage was over. I was clueless, to say the least. We were not fighting or arguing before he left. I am still left with unanswered questions as to why this happened. He, at least, owed me a conversation to express his unhappiness. I deserved his communication; he was my husband for 13 years.

My ex never sat down and had a conversation with me regarding how he felt being married to me. He put me on a plane to visit my daughter, and 10 days later, when I returned, he told me in the car our marriage was over. I was clueless, to say the least. We were not fighting or arguing before he left. I am still left with unanswered questions as to why this happened. He, at least, owed me a conversation to express his unhappiness. I deserved his communication; he was my husband for 13 years.

2. The other woman, you certainly do not want to be labeled the other woman. 


There is another reason not to be the other woman: Most times, the man does not leave his wife for you. You are not what he wanted. There are two kinds of woman, the ones you take home to meet your family and the ones you decide to have sex with. You are the second one, and it's not a pretty place to be. He has zero respect for you and will tell you anything you want to hear so he can remain your booty call in the middle of the night. In the end, my ex and his mistress did not end up together and my marriage still ended. There were no winners.

3. The kids,  they are your biggest reason not to cheat.

Whether you had children together, the kids were his and mine, or the person you cheated with had kids, they are all affected. I watched my youngest turn 21 last week. He went out with friends for his birthday and was drunk texting my ex while out with friends and made a video for him expressing how much he missed him and how much of a father he was to him during our marriage.  

I fell in love with a man who loved my kids - at least, I thought so at the time. He even asked once we divorced if he could maintain some sort of relationship with my kids. That all ended two years ago, and the ones who were hit the hardest were the kids. If you cheat, it will be your kids you hurt the most, not yourself or your husband. 

Being the wife of the husband who cheated is not a great place to be. Neither is being the husband of a wife who cheated. My heart has been broken into a million pieces, but I've survived and am moving on. 

I am happy being single, but, the worst part of being cheated on is having the last thing you remember be finding out the one you loved did something so offensive and shared secrets with a total stranger and could not have one conversation with you about their unhappiness.

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